Bittersweet Blessings

Moving has proven to be more heart wrenching for me than I expected it to be. There are just so many things here that I am very attached to, and leaving those things behind is traumatic. I am very bonded and completely trust our ECI team. They are AMAZING people and have been the glue that's held me together more times than I can count.

We sat down today as a team to work on Liam and Drezden's plans for when we move. The new state has already said Liam will be able to attend an excellent program for kids 18 months and up who are hearing impaired three mornings a week. It's a HUGE blessing, but my heart doesn't even want it. I don't want someone else to take charge of teaching him, even though I know it's what is best for him. And, more than anything else, I don't want someone else in charge of my kids' services. We've had the same service coordinator since CJ was about seven weeks old. That's nearly seven years now. While building friendships with clients is very frowned on, seven years of being someone's rock has led to a great friendship with her. I can't even breathe when I talk about leaving and not taking Jo with us.

As we were working through Liam and Drezden's plans and acknowledging that all this hard work and planning will probably be put on the backburner anyway, I just sort of lost it. I'm so not ready to trust anyone else with these precious children. I know we're going to be so blessed for moving, especially in this aspect. I just had that the blessings have to be so bittersweet.