Sunday, July 26, 2009

A Memo to Little Guy

Dear Little Guy:

It appears that your stay in the hospital during which you had undivided attention at all times, both day and night, has caused you to have a little bit of confusion about a few things. Because I am your most adoring mother and love you so deeply, I'm taking it upon myself to offer you some valuable information.

First, and probably most important, is that night time is for sleeping. Being nocturnal isn't really all it's cracked up to be. It's more for rodents, owls, and freaks that go to sleazy bars. Since you're none of those things, it should be understood that you are not meant to be nocturnal. When it's dark outside, you should be sleeping. When it's light outside, you should be awake (except for the two naps you take daily, which are not to be tamped with. At all.). Should you feel the need to be awake at night, please be mindful of the fact that you share a room with me and your Daddy. Your singing, while it is delightful, and your witty banter are much more appreciated and enjoyed during the daytime hours. Additionally, throwing your toys at your sleeping mother is less than cute. Well, okay, it's cute. But it's much cuter at any other time of day.

Second, let's talk about your nasal canula. It isn't really meant to be a toy. I realize that the cat loves to chase your tubing around and that's a bad choice. He'll be receiving a memo about that shortly. I promise. It's actually there to keep you from turning three shades of blue. Blue is only good if you're a smurf. You are not a smurf. Therefore, I'm politely requesting that you keep your canula in your nose rather than on it. Thank you.

Finally, we come to the issue of your hearing aids. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but you have a LOT of other toys. None of your other toys cost nearly the amount of your hearing aids, and they don't help you hear like your hearing aids do. Please respectfully refrain from using your hearing aids as chew toys and from flinging them to far off galaxies when we're out. Seriously, those things cost more than seven mortgage payments, kid! Plus, if you keep them in your ears, you can hear yourself during the singing and witty banter mentioned previously.

Thank you kindly for your consideration regarding these important issues. Your prompt resolution to these situations is greatly appreciated.

With Love,
Your Adoring Mom


  1. Oh, goodness. That was pretty funny. Not for you, I'm sure, since you are the one footing the bill for the high priced hearing aids-turned teething rings. But for us, it is hilarious!

    It sounds like little guy is doing well, other than his (hopefully temporary) stint as a night owl!

  2. HAHAHHA! Cute! I got a good giggle reading this.